


single, taken

by fated_addiction



Series: check one [3]
Category: K-pop, Real Person Fiction, Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 00:49:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13822986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: "you're the worst."or, when irene realizes that having an adult conversation isn't as easy as it looks.





	single, taken

-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"you're the _worst_."

joy hits the table with both hands. the plate of eggs shakes. irene barely blinks. wendy pauses, mid-bite. they both watch joy glare at seulgi. here we go again, irene thinks.

"i have never not been serious," joy hisses. "you've just decided to not take me seriously. since the beginning. every word, every time i've tried to reach for you - i can handle being rejected. but do it cleanly. coolly. don't drag me around."

irene does not expect seulgi to say anything. in fact, the other girl's face is blank. almost serene. her hands are folded neatly around a tea cup. her thumbs press against the handle; they're turning white.

"maybe we should -"

wendy nods. "there's that movie, you know?"

"stop."

joy looks at them both. her eyes are brimming. irene feels her stomach twist into knots. almost subconsciously she straightens. _i know_ , she wants to say. joy holds her gaze. but _i know_ really doesn't do much of anything.

"it's nothing you haven't heard before," joy says. "and it's nothing you won't hear again." she turns to face seulgi. "i don't want to do this anymore. so decide. you decide what happens next. because i'm tired and i have to move on."

seulgi slams her hands onto the table. hits hard enough for the tea cup to shudder and fall onto its side. hot liquid spills and drops over the edge. no one moves. irene is standing already, halfway into being a leader.

her voice is soft. "it's not just about you," she says.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"are you okay?"

wendy waits to ask her. they've made their way to the park; irene told yeri to stay with her friends. the atmosphere at home is _always_ weird, came the text reply back. yeri is never wrong.

"just worried," she murmurs. she thinks of seulgi's expression, glazed over. she thinks of the door slamming behind joy on her way to her next schedule. it's the better excuse. on top of that, they're all exhausted.

"they'll be okay. eventually."

wendy falls into step with her. links their arms together. then digs her hand into irene's jacket pocket. her fingers brush against the back of her hand. like a reassurance. irene feels selfish.

"i don't know," irene says quietly. "i think it's gotten to the point where it's too messy."

"it's always going to be that messy."

"we're not." irene's eyes are wide. her mouth opens and the words just sort of _fall_ out. in a weird, abrasive kind of way. she claps her fingers over her mouth. "i mean -"

wendy's mouth twists. "we are."

"i try not to be."

the truth is always brimming on the surface. it's too much to panic. they both know wendy won't come outright and say anything. irene won't dare her either. they are not as sharp as joy and seulgi. envy does surface from time to time for irene though; if she were a little braver, she thinks.

she grabs wendy's fingers in her pocket. without thinking. "i mean it," she adds.

"i know." wendy turns her head. they walk through a group of joggers. she leans into irene. "i know you always think of -"

"it's not easy." her fingers tap the side of her head. "there's so much going on in here. and, well, if i think about anything else i might explode. and then what - that's always the question. and then _what_."

"don't you think you're over-rationalizing it? and then, have you even asked me -" wendy stops. then sighs. then bites her lip hard. irene watches her teeth pick at her skin. she swallows too and tries to look away. "but," wendy starts again. "we never talk about it. about us. about things. we never talk about anything."

"that's not true."

anger is bubbling up inside of her. it's irresponsible, irene tries to tell herself. but her palms are sticky. the roof of her mouth starts to dry. this means there's just a little bit of true to this. there always is behind a lie.

she's stopped though. turns with wendy's hand still settled in the crook of her arm.

"at no point," she murmurs, "have you directly asked me how i feel about you, or even offered the other side - it's always assumed, it's always i have had to read in between the lines and guess if you've felt anything. have you even thought that i might feel the same way? that i think about kissing you and hate myself for it because it's something totally and completely irresponsible. i'm not like you, you know. i don't know how to start laying it out, right in front of me. that terrifies me."

everything that comes out of her mouth is a jumbled mess. she hears pieces. the _i'm not like you_. then watches wendy's face fall. along with her hand. then her shoulders drop.

"have -" irene will never forget how clear wendy's expression is. how bright her eyes. how her mouth drops into a firm line. "have you ever thought that i'm just as terrified as you?" wendy asks.

then, there, is the question that scares her much more than anything else.

 

 

 

 

 

"hey."

seulgi finds irene later that night. passes her a tea. mostly, it's because neither of them are good at this part.

"are you okay?" irene still asks. takes the tea. settles in her bed with a mess of blankets surrounding her; seulgi doesn't move from the door. irene tries again still. "are... you okay?"

"no." seulgi lets out a shaky laugh. "i'm not."

irene sighs. "i wish i knew what to say."

seulgi nods. maybe doesn't mean it as much. she rubs her shoulder.

"is that the problem?" she says.

 

 

 

 

 

"can we have that conversation again?"

wendy finds her by the car. the two of them are alone. outside, the sun is starting to rise. there's heat on her face; irene squints and adjusts her sunglasses.

"conversation?"

wendy sighs loudly. turns and leans back against the van. her hair is too dark by her face. she digs her pockets into her jacket.

"the one -"

irene shakes her head. "i know."

"it's awkward now," wendy mutters. "i can't decide whether if it's you or me that made it this awkward." wendy laughs. mostly, it's at herself. "probably me," she adds. "because i can't even sort out what to feel about any of this anymore. you're the one that likes things that are linear. i pretend to be more all over the place... the truth is that i want structure just as much as you." 

"you sound like i ninety year old version of me," irene replies dryly.

wendy snorts. "probably because we spend too much time together as it is."

they're quiet again. irene picks the doorway to watch. there's a bustle of plants and twinkle lights looped into the frame. they're easy to stare at. but then wendy inches closer, dragging her fingers against the back of her wrist. irene feels her mouth turn.

"i don't mind spending too much time together," she admits. quietly. 

they share a look. irene thinks about kissing wendy. not for the first time, the kissing part. it's a complicated weight: thinking about kissing someone for the first time and then kissing someone for the first time puts a pressure in her chest that she's not ready for. her fist clenches. she drags it over her heart. she breathes. then breathes again.

"what's wrong?"

irene shakes her head.

"what's _wrong_?" wendy's voice is softer this time. she's insistent. she leans in, takes her knuckles and taps irene's nose. "you're making a face at me. a new one."

"i am not," she mutters.

and then, out of nowhere, wendy jerks forward and kisses her. not any particular kind of kiss. an open mouth, soft and hot. the kind where knots explode in her belly and she does not know what to do.

"um -"

wendy's mouth turns. and the heat starts to crawl up against irene's throat.

"this wasn't talking," irene murmurs. her hair spills over her eyes and she turns her fingers into wendy's palm, skimming the lines in her hand. she breathes a little. then licks her lips. "i mean..."

"it's okay," wendy replies.

"is it?"

wendy's face warms and flushes and she turns, looking away. irene can only see the slope of her throat and their hands twist, tangling together. it's a quiet moment. a small one. in a few minutes, yeri will sleepily march out to join them against the car. they'll talk about the schedule; irene will always be the first to let go of wendy's hand. it'll haunt her. not immediately, but later, in the middle of schedule. when they share a smile. or maybe, it's when they're seated next to each other. on camera, in front of everyone.

so irene is honest.

"you're too forgiving," she says. "when it comes to me."

 

 

 

 

 

 

the truth?

no one talks about how complicated first times are.

**Author's Note:**

> one more part, i think? and the rating's definitely going to change.
> 
> thank you all so much for all the kind comments/kudos!


End file.
